From:    lannmellor@aol.com
To:    undisclosed-recipients:;
Subject:    Fwd: new airline rules
Date:    Tue, 10 Jun 2008 17:28:32 +0000
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<div><FONT face=Arial size=2><SPAN><FONT face=Tahoma color=black size=4><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 13.5pt; BACKGROUND: white; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: Tahoma">&nbsp; <FONT color=#0000ff>Be prepared . . . </FONT><br>
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NEW AIRLINE RULES </div>


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<div>Attendant: Welcome aboard Ala Carte Air, sir. May I see your ticket? </div>


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<div>Passenger: Sure. </div>


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<div>Attendant: You're in seat 12B. That will be $5, please! </div>


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<div>Passenger: What for? </div>


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<div>Attendant: For telling you where to sit. </div>


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<div>Passenger: But I already knew where to sit. </div>


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<div>Attendant: Nevertheless, we are now charging a seat locator fee of $5. It's the airline's new policy. </div>


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<div>Passenger: That's the craziest thing I ever heard. I won't pay it. </div>


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<div>Attendant: Sir, do you want a seat on this flight, or not? </div>


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<div>Passenger: Yes, yes. All right, I'll pay. But the airline is going to hear about this. </div>


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<div>Attendant: Thank you. My goodness, your carry-on bag looks heavy. Would you like me to stow it in the overhead compartment for you? </div>


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<div>Passenger: That would be swell, thanks. </div>


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<div>Attendant: No problem. Up we go, and done! That will be $10, please. </div>


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<div>Passenger:&nbsp; What? </div>


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<div>Attendant: The airline now charges a $10 carry-on assistance fee. </div>


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<div>Passenger: This is extortion. I won't stand for it. </div>


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<div>Attendant: Actually, you're right, you can't stand. You need to sit, and fasten your seat belt. We're about to push back from the gate. But, first I need that $10. </div>


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<div>Passenger:&nbsp; No way! </div>


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<div>Attendant:&nbsp; Sir, if you don't comply, I will be forced to call the air marshal. And you really don't want me to do that. </div>


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<div>Passenger:&nbsp; Why not? Is he going to shoot me? </div>


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<div>Attendant:&nbsp; No, but there's a $50 air-marshal hailing fee. </div>


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<div>Passenger:&nbsp; Oh, all right, here, take the $10. I can't believe this. </div>


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<div>Attendant:&nbsp; Thank you for your cooperation, sir. Is there anything else I can do for you? </div>


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<div>Passenger:&nbsp; Yes. It's stuffy in here, and my overhead fan doesn't seem to work. Can you fix it? </div>


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<div>Attendant: Your overhead fan is not broken, sir. Just insert two quarters into the overhead coin slot for the first five minutes. </div>


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<div>Passenger:&nbsp; The airline is charging me for cabin air? </div>


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<div>Attendant:&nbsp; Of course not, sir. Stagnant cabin air is provided free of charge. It's the circulating air that costs 50 cents. </div>


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<div>Passenger:&nbsp; I don't have any quarters. Can you make change for a dollar? </div>


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<div>Attendant:&nbsp; Certainly, sir! Here you go! </div>


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<div>Passenger:&nbsp; But you've given me only three quarters for my dollar. </div>


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<div>Attendant: Yes, there's a change making fee of 25 cents. </div>


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<div>Passenger:&nbsp; For cryin' out loud. All I have left is a lousy quarter? What the heck can I do with this? </div>


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<div>Attendant:&nbsp; Hang onto it. You'll need it later for the lavatory. </div>


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<div>[</div>


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<div><A href="http://www.papercut.biz/emailStripper.htm" target=_blank></A>&nbsp;</div>


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